Posted by: mseewv | March 10, 2010

Life

It’s funny how you think you have it all figured out.

I can remember when I was in jr. high and high school how much trouble I had finding out who the real “Matt” was. I really think it is something that most pre-teen and teenagers face. My assistant at work is someone I look at quite often and say “wow, I can remember when I used to act like that.” Kinda hard to believe that I would be saying that one day. This internal search is almost like an ancient right of passage. Almost like what you see in the movies when an old indian tribe would send the young boy off to find himself. I can remember my dad saying “you just have to find who makes you happy, find the real Matt.” I can’t tell you how many times I thought I had “found the real Matt.” I went through at least a thousand stages in my life in the span of about 3 years. I went through hundreds of personalities and ways of thinking. Good and bad I like to think I learned something from all of them. My dad was with me the entire way. “I’ll stand toe to toe with you everyday if I have to. I will not let you fail,” he used to say. Boy did I think that was a bunch of Bologna back in the day. You always hear your parents talking to you when you are younger but they sound way too much like the adults in Charlie Brown.

It’s hard to think back and add reason to why when I was that young I ran around so sporadic and just couldn’t find a happy medium in my life. My dad would always tell me that I had to find a happy place. I lived my life like a rollercoaster for so long. Always either way high on life or way down on life. All through college I was the same way. Something would go well and I would shoot through the roof, something would go wrong and it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I thought this was the right way to live. I was lovin’ it! I hardly had moments when I would get that low so what did it really matter? Now that I look back on it, I wasn’t really all that happy. What I was doing was living moment to moment and just hanging on until the next good thing happened. When you do that, life really does fly by. Before I knew it I was married to the most wonderful girl and off we headed to start our life together. Me, her and our little beagle. I thought that now…life would be nothing but highs.

Boy did I still have something to learn. You think that when you get to the point in your life when you meet that special someone, you don’t have to work, life has begun and there will be nothing but those high moments for the rest of your life. Now that is something I can sit back and laugh at. You can’t take those things for granted. I always thought that we love each other we don’t have to work. We both have great jobs, a great little rental and a new little puppy. By now you can see where this is going…but let me tell you not to get too worked up just yet!

I mean we were young kids. How can you know how much something means to you unless it is in jeopardy right? Who knows. I don’t really remember what all happened but when you think you have it all and you take everything for granted then things begin to tumble. The job went to crap, we stopped talking and next I know things are falling apart. Now this just being a few short months from when we got married definitely scared the hell out of me. Keep in mind I was still in that always either way up or way down phase. So what happened? We acted like complete fools stopped talking and decided, “eh, we gave it a shot.” I would love to give you some big movie like story here but the bottom line is communication. Just like the old Led Zeppelin song Communication Breakdown. “Communication Breakdown, It’s always the same, I’m having a nervous breakdown, Drivin’ me insane!” You know how kids are.

Boy we were just babies then. Now you can laugh because you may be a little bit older than me, but I truly feel that once you go through something like this and you come out of it better than when you went into it, then you have definitely made it and learned a lot along the way.

Now I’m not saying that we just flipped a switch and everything was all better. There was more work involved than I had ever imagined. But that’s the way it should be right? Who knows. All I know is after the work we put into it as we began to stop pointing fingers and start giving hugs we learned one thing. We loved each other more than anything we had ever experience in our whole entire lives. We knew then that we had finally formed that union that they talk about on your wedding day and you are just too damn excited to even listen or know who is coming up to you and kissing you on the cheek or which one of your friends is hitting on all of the bridesmaids. It was then that we headed back to a small outdoor chapel, with a small group of friends and our priest and took those vows that we didn’t really know what they meant a few years before, and actually said them with love and understanding.

Fast forward days, months and years and all has exceeded my expectations when I said “I do” a few years ago. Marriage is such an exciting thing. To me it’s the greatest thing in the world. There is nothing like driving home at the end of the day and sharing dinner with the one you love and then hanging out the whole evening with your best friend. It’s funny how some times I just can’t take my eyes off of her or I will look at her and just say, “I can’t believe I am married to you, This is awesome!” I always thought that I was happy. But now that I have found my mid-point…I couldn’t be happier.

So what I have I learned? Hit singles! Every day I do my best just to hit singles. I try not to go through life dealing with home runs and outs (highs and lows). I just walk up to the plate each day and say…today I just want to get a hit. Whether it is at home or at work, I just want to succeed at one small thing. No matter how small. Remember to brush my teeth, an atta boy on a project, getting the puppy to go to the bathroom outside not inside etc. those are the singles that I am hitting. And my batting average has definitely improved.

Thanks, Dad.

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